One of the biggest decisions we ever make: to become a parent or not
Can you imagine the different versions of yourself, with and without kids?
For some people there is no question about whether they want to have children. For some couples it’s the subject of long discussion and deliberation. Though I have already decided not to have kids, I find it one of the most interesting and evocative topics. Being a parent is a part of the human condition I haven’t experienced so I am all the more curious to read about it, discuss it, and see theater about it.
I think about it like choosing between two good options: a life with kids or without. Both lifestyles have their advantages. I love my relationship and my life exactly as they are, so I choose to keep it that way.
What if we could see the contrast of life with kids versus without kids blatantly played out in front of us on stage? I got to do exactly that when I saw “Cradle and All.” It was a play at the Manhattan Theater Club in New York in 2011 in which the characters were neighbors in Brooklyn Heights. One couple had an 11-month-old baby and the other couple (played by the same actors) was without kids (but considering it). Theater can often be a mirror for us to see ourselves or to gain appreciation for people different from ourselves. It’s been years since I saw the play but it has stuck with me because of how clearly the different lifestyles were juxtaposed. Theater doesn’t just converse about something, it enacts it. Spectators got to see this couple in both scenarios (with and without kids) lived out over a short time, in a specific cultural context.
“The same person in different situations can behave differently… the circumstances we find ourselves in is what constructs our personality.” Lead actress in “Cradle and All” Maria Dizzia in promo video found here
Weighing the option to have kids or not have kids (sorry for a few clichés and oversimplifications)
Immensely enhancing one’s life by having children
Experiences that can be had without children are life-enhancing
A couple who has so much love to give that they want to share it with children
A couple who enjoys their time together and they don’t want to change the dynamic by having children
A couple whose relationship grows stronger through the shared love of their children
A couple whose relationship grows stronger through quality time spent exclusively together
Willing to take the risk of the child having less than perfect health
Not willing to take the risk of parenting a child who needs a lot of extra help or care as it poses too many obstacles for them personally
The decision is made that you will spend your life (in part) dedicated to raising children
How you will spend your time in life remains open
Raising the next generation of responsible and caring people
Nurturing, mentoring, and supporting the next generation in other ways than parenting
Higher emotional highs and lower lows with children
Highs are already sky high without children
The added responsibility of creating a better world for your children adds gravity to your life and work
The added challenge of using your time effectively and meaningfully given that your time is not spent raising children
The joys of child-rearing
Taking the liberty to live a life without raising children (so many women across the globe didn’t or don’t have the choice to be a mother or not, given the lack of access to birth control and family planning)
Children give you energy
You are without the energy, or you are unwilling to exert the energy necessary to raise children, or you want to get or spend your energy in other ways
Your career is pushed and inspired by your kids
The option to have a job based on what you love to do and how you want to do it (not because it pays enough to cover the expense of having kids or has the perfect schedule to accommodate raising kids)
The complexity of life with kids is manageable and worthwhile
The simplicity of life without kids is preferred. There is enough complexity in life to contend with already
Family time
Extra time for extended family and friends
What art have you seen that explore these ideas?
More info about the production of “Cradle and All” here.
This article features the Tokyo based graphic/collage artist Saori Ike, with her permission. See more of her work here.
Originally published on framedperformances.com
